Balance

Tonight I have a very irritable little boy with an ear infection. I knew S was pitching tonight so I dragged little Crew to the game. Have I mentioned how much he dislikes watching the games. After pulling all my tricks out of the bag we disappeared half-way through the game to go play. Crew has made it very clear to me that he expects to play on the playground with the other kiddos.

Away we went... another chance for some therapy ummm I mean playtime:) Together we climb the ladder, climb the stairs, back down the stairs, hang from the bar, down the slide.... we do it all. Together we do it all! T-O-G-E-T-H-E-R! And while I love this time with Crew watching him work and smile, it's clear to me why I am the only mother on the playground. Yet, I feel torn between spending this time with Crew and watching S play ball. I don't want the older boys to feel cheated because I spend all my time with Crewzer but what's a mom to do. These early years are so critical. I want to see Crew get stronger. I want to see him grow and develop. I want to hear him talk. I want to see him run.

I feel stretched so thin. Today I caught the implication that my dear friend feels hurt that I have not talked to her recently yet I have not had time for anybody other than family. I've never been in the circus and juggling has never been my thing. My life is completely out of balance. I'll admit it! All emotions are on the surface and I struggle to maintain some level of happiness in the home. My friend has been grieving the loss of a child and as the year anniversary of her passing approaches I'm sure she is needing my friendship. I have tried to reach out to her and show her that I care and so it hurts knowing that I have let her down.

I'm currently waiting and praying for the opportunity to be eligible for RESPITE care. Taking care of Crew is a full time job and can be quite taxing at times. Respite would provide the Balance we so desperately need to keep this family together and so we hope and pray for this to become available to us.